


assassins don't take sides: director's cut

by thegrumblingirl



Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: Have a nice day, This is Meta, Writing, basically if you wanna see how assassins don't take sides evolved from first to final draft, if not, read this, requested by readers, this isn't fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 00:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14296530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrumblingirl/pseuds/thegrumblingirl
Summary: Collected a few scenes from the first and final drafts of Who By Fire (and one from You Know Who I Am) and pointed out changes and editorial choices.Basically, blame kivusa. They wanted to know what the chapters looked like before I went through them with the big Slow Burn Machete — so here you go. ;-)





	1. Introduction to Grumble's Terrifying Brain 101

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kivusa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kivusa/gifts), [spider_fingers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spider_fingers/gifts).



> Hugs and kudos to punch for the title.

Ayyyy so uh— 

This is happening because kivusa recently expressed relief that the slow burns don’t just sprondongle out of my brain the way you see them here, and also curiosity as to what all those chapters looked like before I went through them with a machete XD. Maybe 70-80% of my first drafts stay mostly as is, the rest is patience and spit. Anyway, I offered to make a quick compare/contrast to show how stuff changes from initial flailing to finished chapter. So I went through my first draft for _Who By Fire_ cause that’s the most complete one I have, and collected scenes I knew changed quite a bit. I sorted them into different categories, each presented in its own chapter:

  * Scenes that changed drastically
  * Bits I cut and then necromanced later
  * Subtle changes and less is more
  * If you don’t know how to explain Thing, make your character a cagey bastard
  * Shitposting on your own fic: a therapy manual



The format is this: the scene from the first draft, then the final draft. In each scene, I’ve bolded what changed. Then, for each scene, I have a short ramble on what I changed and why.

If you have any questions at all, in re: specific scenes, lines, editing in general, or just why I’m such a jerk, hit me up in the comments, I could talk about this shit all day. Hell, weekends, I pretty much do. For some reason, I still have friends.

Have fun! Love you!

edit:

**[assassins don’t take sides: plot notes, chapter outlines, and character development >](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpasteapp.com%2Fp%2Fh6Lmx4Q4hGY&t=OTE0ZjJjMGQ3M2JjOWEzNDg5NGZlNjQzOGJhYjA2ZTJiYzVlOGU2OSx3cFlwUUZSOA%3D%3D&b=t%3AAd-590OUtH1wZha1JKAuZg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fscrewtheprinceimtakingthehorse.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172923020125%2Fassassins-dont-take-sides-plot-notes-chapter&m=0) **

quick collection of slides and photos of my notebook for part 3 of assassins for [@kivusa](https://tmblr.co/mHzYJ5L78w-WyBB-4xo7DWw) and anyone else who gives a poop about the insides of writers’ brains and how outlining can help and/or drive you up the wall

you can find a PDF version [here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fjmp.sh%2FvdIrJ9i&t=NDMxMWVkNThkOTU3ZDNhMjBiM2EyNjU3NWU0NmI0ZTNjNzZhYzI3Ziw3UTFrT0cxbw%3D%3D&b=t%3AAd-590OUtH1wZha1JKAuZg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fscrewtheprinceimtakingthehorse.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172922934575%2Fassassins-dont-take-sides-plot-notes-chapter&m=0); @ me with any questions!!


	2. Oh Shit Well That Did a 180

FIRST DRAFT:

“Lord Attano!” Simmons.

Exchanging a glance with Corvo, Daud sat up, squaring his shoulders. Looking between them, Emily inched closer.

“What is it,” Corvo called as he got up and walked towards the door to intercept the young guard before he could burst in.

“Overseers, sir, unannounced. One of the new guards, Rinaldo, came up to tell me.”

Shit. Daud gritted his teeth, keeping his face impassive for Emily’s sake, who was now holding onto him with both hands.

“They’re on their way up to see you. Do you want us to intercept them?”

“No, I’ll receive them here. Give me a minute.”

“Of course.”

**Corvo closed the door behind himself, then came marching back towards them. He went for the shelves behind his desk, removing a heavy tome and pressing a button set into the wood. The shelves – moved. “Secret passageway,” he nodded at Daud.**

Not waiting for another moment, Daud returned the nod, then turned to look at Emily, whose wide eyes were glued to her father.

“Emily,” he said quietly. Turning to him, she looked so pale and frightened as he’d only seen her once. Moving swiftly, he pulled his arm from her grip, then curled it around her back instead, pulling her up with him as he stood. Understanding what he meant to do, she held onto his shoulders without question. With an instinct he didn’t know he possessed, he tucked his free hand under her knee to settle her on his hip, all the while moving towards Corvo.

Their eyes met, the set of Corvo’s mouth grim and determined, and Daud wished more than anything to kiss him. Instead, he tightened his hold on Emily and brushed past Corvo. **As he stepped into the hidden corridor, a warm hand settled on his back for a brief moment. Then, darkness swallowed them as Corvo closed the mechanism behind them.**

**Emily gave a sound of distress, but Daud shushed her gently. “I can see,” he said, clenching his fist and activating Void Gaze. Moving quietly, he made his way forward, the passage narrow enough that his shoulders were brushing the walls on both sides. He resisted the urge to turn and look back at the false wall separating them from Corvo.**

**Sooner than he’d hoped, his vision picked up on the mechanism that heralded the end of their time in the space behind the walls. “Almost there.”**

**He could feel Emily nod against his shoulder. “Okay.”**

**Taking a moment to make sure that no-one was waiting for them on the other side, Daud pressed the button. Another shelf slid away, releasing them into what certainly qualified as royal chambers – only, Daud didn’t think these were Emily’s. “Oh.”**

**Looking up at his quiet reaction, Emily took in their surroundings. The curtains were closed, furniture covered in linens, no clothes or toys lying around as Daud would have expected.**

**“This is Mommy’s room,” Emily whispered.**

Daud was not one to dither, but just then he was caught in a rare moment of indecision. **If he could have, he’d have walked right back out if just to spare the girl – and himself – being there, but he couldn’t; and in any other situation, that alone would have propelled him forward, into the room and through the pain as long as it was just his own, but now – he remained rooted to the spot.**

**Corvo wouldn’t have sent them through here if he didn’t think it absolutely necessary, Daud told himself. “We should wait here, so Corvo can come find us.” He shifted Emily in his arms, and she clung tighter.**

* * *

 

FINAL DRAFT:

“Lord Attano!” Simmons.

Exchanging a glance with Corvo, Daud sat up, squaring his shoulders. Looking between them, Emily inched closer to him.

“What is it,” Corvo called as he got up and walked towards the door to open it before the young guard could burst in.

“Overseers, sir, unannounced. One of the new guards, Rinaldo, came up to tell me.”

Shit. Daud gritted his teeth, keeping his face impassive for Emily’s sake, who was now holding onto him with both hands.

“They’re on their way up to see you. Do you want us to intercept them?”

“Yes, I'll speak to them in the library. Give me a minute.”

“Of course.”

Corvo closed the door behind himself, then came marching back towards them.

Not waiting for another moment, Daud turned to look at Emily, whose wide eyes were glued to her father.

“Emily,” he said quietly. Turning to him, she looked so pale and frightened as he’d only seen her once. Moving swiftly, he pulled his arm from her grip, then curled it around her back instead, pulling her up with him as he stood. Understanding what he meant to do, she held onto his shoulders without question. With an instinct he didn’t know he possessed, he tucked his free hand under her knee to settle her on his hip, all the while moving towards Corvo.

Their eyes met, the set of Corvo’s mouth grim and determined, and Daud wished more than anything to kiss him. Instead, he tightened his hold on Emily. Daud was not one to dither, but just then he was caught in a rare moment of indecision. He shifted Emily in his arms, and she clung tighter.

“Why did they come here?” Her voice was fearful, much as she tried to hide it.

Corvo's eyes cut to his, and Daud jerked his chin at the door. He'd explain it to her, but Corvo needed to get going.

"Do you want me to take her?" he asked.

"Take me where?" Emily cried in alarm and Corvo set a gentle hand on her cheek to shush her.

"Daud and I agreed that, in an emergency, he'd take you back to the Hound Pits. But I don't think that will be necessary now," Corvo reassured her.

"You sure?" Daud would ask only once.

"I'm sure. I've got a feeling we might find out more about that delegation from Tyvia than we thought."

Daud frowned. "Wouldn't a delegation announce itself?"

"Does the Abbey ever play by our rules?" Corvo returned as a rhetorical question.

"Fine. But keep Simmons and Rinaldo with you. If there are Overseers in the building, Montgomery and Jenkins will stay close but out of sight," Daud reiterated the contingency they'd gone over so many times in planning Corvo and Emily's return to the Tower.

"It'll be alright." Corvo pressed a kiss to Emily's forehead. "It'll be alright," he repeated for her benefit. He raised his eyes to Daud's, not looking away as he took a deep breath.

"Go," Daud told him before either of them might do something foolish. "We'll be here."

Corvo nodded, squared his shoulders, then turned and made to leave the room when Daud caught sight of his left hand, the Mark barely covered by the wrist strap. Well enough to fool guards who didn't see him as a threat and maids who found his face more handsome than his hands, but not Overseers from any of the Isles.

"Gloves?" Daud called towards Corvo's retreating back.

Without turning, Corvo acknowledged him by patting his left coat pocket. Then, the door closed behind him. With Emily in his arms, Daud stood in the middle of the room, staring.

"What happened?" Emily broke the silence first.

* * *

 

COMMENTS:

Alright, so, this started with me getting the idea that Daud and Emily have to hide and SOMEHOW end up in Jessamine’s room. It was born of the fact that I’d avoided even bringing up Jess’ quarters at all so far, and when the Overseers came knocking (which was a surprise to me, too, I just needed a way to get Daud out of that conversation lol), I thought, THIS COULD BE HEARTWRENCHING AND MEANINGFUL.

And it was. Until I had to have Simmons, not Corvo, come through the passageway because I wanted Simmons to find out about Daud, even if just through a hidden shelf/door combination you can’t buy at IKEA, and then…….. it all got too complicated and I wasn’t really feeling it, so I changed the whole thing while still drafting it. The conversation that happens between Emily and Daud was already there (a lot of it already was, the descriptions barely changed), with a bit more talking about Jessamine; but the setting changed to Corvo’s rooms.

Also: I wanted Corvo and Emily to be the ones to experience opening Jessamine’s chambers together, as much as Emily already loved Daud like a second father figure here. So it all got moved into You Know Who I Am and none of this survived. Soz.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

FIRST DRAFT:

The masks were off now, and Corvo knew every single one of these faces. Had trained with them, lived with them, watched as Daud helped them hone their abilities even knowing this was the Whalers’ last call, making sure they were at their best for as long as Emily and Corvo needed them. Emily had learnt to trust them, and they had proven themselves worthy of that trust.

Now, Corvo would have to shatter their faith in him.

Eventually, the room had fallen completely silent.

“Your powers are gone because… because Daud has been taken,” he rasped. “At Brigmore… we rounded up Delilah’s coven, and found out what she’s been scheming. Delilah was planning a ritual. A painting, through which she wanted to possess Emily. Daud and I, we switched out the paintings, and performed the ritual to banish her. We had her, we—thought we had her, but she… attacked Daud. He was torn into the ritual with her,” Corvo finished, shame and guilt making every inch of him itch and bleed. If they’d been there, they might understand his grief. If they’d been there, they’d have even more cause to hate him.

**“So where is he?” Galia asked, her voice unforgiving.**

**“In the Void. I don’t know where.”**

**“You what,” Galia’s voice was rising. “Explain that to me, Corvo, explain to me how—”**

**“Galia,” Rulfio stepped in, reaching for her.**

**“No,” she reared back, stepping away. “Don’t patronise me, Rulf.”**

**“I understand that you’re upset—” Corvo said in an effort to keep a handle on the situation, but knowing even as he said the words that diplomacy would not gain him an inch of ground with this audience.**

**“Upset?!” Galia shot back. “Our powers are gone. You and Daud, you hash out this fantastical plan, you go up against a witch, in her corner of the Void, the two of you, alone. And only you come back out.”**

**It was Corvo’s turn to anger, then, finally letting go of something that had been sitting just below the surface. “If you’re going to accuse me of something, Fleet,” he growled, “do it properly.”**

**“Did you know what Delilah was planning?” Galia demanded.**

**“I didn’t know anything Daud didn’t,” Corvo returned, nearly seething at the accusation but then reminded, sickly, of the way he’d attacked Daud only hours after Jessamine had succumbed to her wounds. “We fought this, side by side,” he continued, his voice breaking before the finish line. Would they despise him for his weakness, he wondered.**

“Corvo,” Thomas spoke up then; and this would be another test. Daud had appointed him Lurk’s successor – and thus his own, in the event of his capture, injury… death. The Whalers had accepted this move without putting up a fight, even if Thomas was several years the masters’ junior. Someone like Rulfio or Galia, Aedan or even Rinaldo would have been more obvious choices. In this, then, Thomas would have to prove his mettle.

“You brought the paintings with you. Why?” Thomas continued.

Corvo straightened his shoulders. “Daud is not lost. Delilah’s paintings of the Void and the lantern that she made are part of the ritual. And I’m going to reverse it.”

**“How?” Galia interrupted, and Corvo grit his teeth.**

**“I will find out.”**

“And bring the witch back with you?” Rulfio asked, wariness all over his face.

“I’ll find a way,” Corvo insisted. Paralysed with shock before, the Whalers were rallying now. He could not afford to lose them.

**“And how long will that take?” Aedan. “Months, years? We don’t have that long without Daud’s powers, not if we stay in Dunwall. We’ll be eaten alive.”**

“I won’t let it come to that,” Corvo raised a placating hand.

“Want us to join the Watch, then, like Rinaldo and the other two dickheads?” Fergus scoffed. “Yeah, bloody likely.”

“Shut up, Fraeport,” Quinn knocked him upside the head. “Better than dying in the gutter.”

“Wouldn’t have to if I could transverse, would I?” Fergus shot back. Murmurs were starting up amongst the others, and Corvo felt the situation slip out of his hands. For a surreal moment, he found himself wondering, what would Daud do?

 **“Enough,” he barked, and miraculously the chatter ceased.** **“Those of you who want to stay will be given the means to. Those who want to pack, can. All I ask is that you consider this: Daud needs your – our – help. Think of what he did for you. And then decide what you would do for him.”**

**No-one spoke. Corvo looked into each of their faces. Indecision, anger… grief. They would not fade, Corvo felt it in himself.**

“Wait for Samuel to return before you set out to find the missing. I’ll return to the Tower and send the others back here.” He turned, making for the door.

Galia’s voice stopped him. “We’ve repaid him ten times over.”

**Corvo looked at her over his shoulder. “Love is more than checks and balances.”**

“You should have just killed her,” she said bitterly.

He left.

* * *

 

FINAL DRAFT:

Making his way into the taproom, Corvo found the Whalers more settled than they’d been when he’d arrived; but with Rulfio and the other five who’d been at Brigmore startlingly the centre of attention as they were hounded for an explanation. As he entered, however, that attention shifted to him.

The masks were off now, and Corvo knew every single one of these faces. Had lived with them, trained with them, watched as Daud helped them hone their abilities even knowing this was the Whalers’ last call, making sure they were at their best for as long as they were needed. Emily had learnt to trust them, and they had proven themselves worthy of that trust.

Now, Corvo would have to shatter their faith in him.

Eventually, the room had fallen completely silent.

“Your powers are gone because… because Daud has been taken,” he rasped, willing his voice not to break even as he barely had to raise it to be heard. “At Brigmore, we rounded up Delilah’s coven, and found out what she’s been scheming. Delilah was planning a ritual. A painting, through which she wanted to possess Emily. Daud and I, we switched out the paintings, and performed the ritual to banish her. We had her, we—thought we had her, but she attacked Daud. I—I couldn't get to him in time, and he was torn into the portal with her,” Corvo finished, shame and guilt making every inch of him feel as if it burnt and bled. If they’d been there, they might understand his grief. If they’d been there, they’d have even more cause to hate him.

**“So where is he?” Galia asked, the mask that she wore when Daud called to order, the one all Whalers wore, slipping.**

“In the Void.” No-one spoke. Corvo looked around. **Indecision, disbelief… grief, barely yet realised. Compassion, too. He was reminded, sickly, of the way he’d attacked Daud only hours after Jessamine had succumbed to her wounds, and how the way they'd looked at him had changed then, only for Daud to hold them together with a raise of his hand. “We fought this, side by side,” his voice finally cracking at the image his words conjured, another race lost against time. Would they despise him for his weakness, he wondered. "I'm sorry. I let you down."**

“Corvo,” Thomas spoke up; and this would be another test. Daud had appointed him Lurk’s successor – and thus his own, in the event of his capture, injury… death. The Whalers had accepted this move without putting up a fight, even if Thomas was several years the masters’ junior. Rulfio or Galia, Aedan or even Rinaldo would have been more obvious choices. In this, then, Thomas would have to prove his mettle.

**“You took the paintings with you. Why?” Thomas continued.**

Corvo straightened his shoulders. “Daud is not lost. Delilah’s paintings of the Void and the lantern that she made are part of the ritual. And I’m going to reverse it.”

“How?” Quinn interrupted.

“I will find out.”

“And bring the witch back with you?” Rulfio asked, wariness all over his face.

“I’ll find a way,” Corvo insisted. Paralysed with shock before, the Whalers were rallying now.

**“And how long will that take?” Aedan.**

“Want us to join the Watch, then, like Rinaldo and the other two dickheads?” Fergus scoffed. “Yeah, bloody likely.”

“Shut up, Fraeport,” Quinn barked as she knocked him upside the head. “Better than dying in the gutter.”

“Wouldn’t have to if I could transverse, would I?” Fergus shot back. Murmurs were starting up amongst the others, some reminding Fergus that not all of them had shared in Daud's powers to begin with, and Corvo felt the situation slip out of his hands. For a surreal moment, he found himself wondering, what would Daud do? What would Daud do...

 **“Enough,” he called, and miraculously the chatter ceased.** “Wait for Samuel to return before you set out to find the missing. I’ll go to the Tower and send the others back here. I'll return tomorrow, as soon as I can.” He bent his head, collecting himself. He'd just given orders. Looking back up, he found the Whalers watching him. "Daud needs your – our – help. Think of what he did for you. And then decide what you would do for him." He turned, making for the door.

Galia’s voice stopped him. “We’ve repaid him ten times over. All of us have.”

Corvo looked at her over his shoulder. “Loyalty is more than a debt repaid.”

“You should have just killed her,” she said bitterly.

He left.

**He was half-way down the yard when he heard the door open and steps behind him. Corvo stopped, but didn't turn.**

**"Sir. They'll come around. They know that you—Master Daud... he trusted you."**

**"Go back inside, Hobson." Contempt, he thought, would have been easier than this.**

**"Sir."**

* * *

 

COMMENTS:

Basically, the trouble with this whole sequence was that at first, I conceptualised the Whalers as angry and hostile — until I realised that that's what Corvo is expecting them to be; but not necessarily what they're gonna feel. Not least because I'd spent some time in the past building up their loyalty towards Corvo. They wouldn't act as I had them do in the original draft, even if anger is a useful secondary emotion in such a situation; they'd give Corvo the benefit of the doubt.

So I mostly scrapped the dialogue and reutilised the descriptions.

The eagle-eyed among with will recognise Galia's line, "Don't patronise me, Rulf!" from You Know Who I Am, because I ended up using it for the scene where Corvo catches the Whalers reading The Knife of Dunwall, that damned penny novel. It takes on vastly different meaning there; another line I held onto because  I liked it and then found another place for.


	3. B) Don't Throw Away What You Cut

FIRST DRAFT:

Anger surged inside him. Anger at himself, at Corvo, at the Outsider, and even at Jessamine; for taking the meaning of his actions and stepping over them like so much litter in the streets. “And that’s your decision, is it? Why are you here, Corvo? For me? Or for your own guilty conscience?”

Hurt slammed into Corvo so suddenly that Daud could see it in his eyes. He clamped his jaw shut to stop himself from taking it back, from apologising, from telling him how much he’d missed him—stop, he commanded himself. He should send Corvo away, he knew, should give them both time to think. This was happening too fast and all at once. This being an argument Daud had never intended for them to have. Righteousness drained from him, leaving only exhaustion behind.

“Have you ever stopped to think that this might be the better way?” Daud asked quietly, his gaze holding Corvo’s.

**Corvo shook his head. “No.” And before Daud could say anything else, Corvo stepped forward, coming to a halt only inches away. “No,” Corvo whispered, leaning closer, his breath brushing Daud’s cheek. He waited, and Daud knew what for. He nodded, once, barely more than a jerk of his head. Corvo’s lips so soft against his own, Daud knew that this would be his doom. He didn’t mind.**

Behind them, the Outsider, for once forgotten and ignored, melted into the shadows.

* * *

 

COMMENTS:

Here's a good example of 'I don't know what's wrong with you, but I don't like you.' The kiss was fine where it was — it was heartrending, for starters.

But it didn't work, something felt off about it, especially knowing that next chapter, Daud was gonna all but throw Corvo out of the Void. Also, I'd already written Chapter 8 and realised that I wanted their first kiss of the story to be the one after confessing their feelings.

This was a last-minute decision; I cut the kiss and rearranged the scene literally five minutes before posting. Nevertheless, I kept the, like, three lines because I liked them and pasted them into my notes. I kept coming back to them; and then when I wrote the last scene of Chapter 11, I realised I'd found a new home for it.

Also, this:

<https://twitter.com/andreamareike/status/916286483350290432>

* * *

 

FINAL DRAFT:

**Chapter 4**

Anger surged inside him. Anger at himself, at Corvo, at the Outsider, and even at Jessamine; for taking the meaning of his actions and stepping over them like so much litter in the streets. “And that’s your decision, is it? Why are you here, Corvo? For me? Or for your own guilty conscience?”

Hurt slammed into Corvo so suddenly that Daud could see it in his eyes. He clamped his jaw shut to stop himself from taking it back, from apologising, from telling him how much he’d missed him—stop, he commanded himself. He should send Corvo away, he knew, should give them both time to think. This was happening too fast and all at once. This being an argument Daud had never intended for them to have. Righteousness drained from him, leaving only exhaustion behind.

“Have you ever stopped to think that this might be the better way?” Daud asked quietly, his gaze holding Corvo’s.

**Corvo shook his head. “No.” And before Daud could say anything else, Corvo stepped forward, coming to a halt only inches away. “No,” he breathed.**

**Daud shut his eyes, being so close nigh unbearable. “I can’t.”**

Behind them, the Outsider, for once forgotten and ignored, melted into the shadows.

* * *

**Chapter 11:**

“What do you want me to do? Corvo, you can’t… you can’t be the one to fix me.“

“I know that. But I need you to believe that you can. That you owe it to yourself to try.”

“That might be the harder trick,” Daud admitted quietly.

“I know. So until then, you can owe it to me.”

Daud lifted his gaze at that, surprised, then sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted to…“

“I know. But I’m glad we did.”

“Are you?“ Daud asked doubtfully.

Corvo nodded, smiling just a little. “Are you coming back to the Tower with me?”

“If you’ll have me.” There was no challenge in it, perhaps, but an open door, just in case. Even as Daud knew that, yes, he wanted to, he did not quite know how to say it. He might not ever learn, he thought, and could only hope Corvo would know anyway.

**“Yes,” Corvo whispered, leaning closer, his breath brushing Daud’s cheek. He waited, and Daud knew what for. He nodded, once, barely more than a jerk of his head. Corvo’s lips so soft against his own, Daud knew that this would be his doom. He didn’t mind.**


	4. C) Subtle Changes, Ruthless Editing, and Killing Your Darlings

FIRST DRAFT:

“Daud,” he began, working up the courage. He swallowed. “Do you want this?” (Do you want me?)

Just for a moment, Daud closed his eyes again. When he opened them, Corvo wasn’t prepared for the old familiar pain twisting in their depths. “You know I do.” The words, so simple, recalled his admission from weeks ago, that night in his office.

“Do I?” Corvo asked softly.

“If you don’t, you are a fool,” Daud murmured, lowering his eyes.

“Or perhaps you are, talking about rest and things you ought to do,” Corvo tried to lighten the mood.

Daud looked back up at him as he’d hoped, but the hurt was still there. “I ought to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because this will end,” Daud ground out the words like breaking bones and, finally, Corvo understood. His heart ached.

**Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss against Daud’s jaw, listening as he drew a ragged breath. “You think I’m doing this only because you’re leaving.”**

**“You’re not?”**

**Oh, Daud. “Not because you’re leaving.” Corvo pulled back to meet his gaze, hardly finding the words and hoping to the Void they would be enough. “But because I don’t know if you’re coming back.”**

Without another word, Daud closed the distance between them.

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

“Daud,” he began, working up the courage. He swallowed. “Do you want this?” (Do you want me?)

Just for a moment, Daud closed his eyes again. When he opened them, Corvo wasn’t prepared for the old familiar pain twisting in their depths. “You know I do.” The words, so simple, recalled his admission from weeks ago, that night in his office.

“Do I?” Corvo asked softly.

“If you don’t, you are a fool,” Daud murmured, lowering his eyes.

“Or perhaps you are, talking about rest and things you ought to do,” Corvo tried to lighten the mood.

Daud looked back up at him as he’d hoped, but the hurt was still there. “I ought to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because this will end,” Daud ground out the words like breaking bones and, finally, Corvo understood.

**Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss against Daud’s jaw, listening as Daud drew a ragged breath. “You think I’m doing this only because you’re leaving.” Corvo pulled back to meet his gaze.**

**Daud didn't speak, only looked at him as though the thought was far too obvious to merit the pain it implied.**

**“I am,”** Corvo chanced, hardly finding the words and hoping to the Void they would be enough. **“Because I don't want to regret not knowing you.”**

Without another word, Daud closed the distance between them.

* * *

COMMENTS:

The main breaking point for Daud here is that he believes that Corvo a) isn't in love with him and b) is only doing this because Daud is leaving and there are therefore no strings attached. Corvo did ask in Chapter 1 whether Daud was leaving Dunwall for good, but it hasn't come up again since.

The reason it hasn't come up again is that Corvo is adamant that this is Daud's decision and no-one else's, and he should do what he needs and not be influenced by anything else; even if that 'anything else' is that Corvo's in love with him. Corvo is terrified Daud's gonna think that he's trying to seduce him into staying.

Both lines imply that Corvo wants them to make the most of the time they have together; but the original line brings up the No-No Topic of Daud's possible return, and it also rings like a demand. The line in the final draft is more contained, more focused on the now — and more hopeful as well, for Daud, because Corvo wants there to be no regrets. Basically, it changes from Corvo saying, 'I want this now because I don't know if I can ever have it again,' to, 'I don't want us not to have this because we're too scared.'

And, ho boy, are they scared shitless right now.

* * *

* * *

* * *

FIRST DRAFT:

“Delilah’s more powerful than anyone I’ve crossed path with in this world,” Daud said, à propos of nothing, and didn’t entirely know why. “Going to Brigmore will decide everything, and we can’t afford to hesitate.”

“What are you saying?”

Daud leaned forward, bracing his fists against the desk. “I’m saying that, if we cannot find another way, we still have to finish it.”

"I’m not letting her get within a hundred feet of Emily again," Corvo growled.

"Not that you’ll be of any use if she doesn’t actually need to be," Daud reminded him, and Corvo scowled at his words.

"And that means you’ll be where, exactly?" he challenged.

**Daud gritted his teeth. "Corvo, if I don’t stand between you, Emily, and Delilah, it’ll be because I’m dead, but I don’t think that what Delilah is working towards is as straightforward as an attack on Dunwall Tower."**

"Don’t say something like that," Corvo shook his head, and it took Daud a moment to realise which part he was aiming at.

**"I’ve made my choices, you know that. I’m ready for what comes," Daud said, not knowing what else there was to say.**

**It came as a surprise, then, when Corvo stood, his expression pained. "Stop."**

**"We don’t have time to be sentimental right now," Daud told him even as his insides churned at the look in Corvo’s eyes, and as a result he sounded far more pleading than resolute.**

In response, Corvo grabbed him by the belt across his chest and hauled him closer, across the desk. "You’re right," he said, possessing the nerve to sound accusing, and then pressed his lips against Daud’s in a kiss that was neither hesitant nor patient. Daud had barely the mind (nor time) to respond before Corvo pulled back again, letting go.

"And now?" Daud rasped. "That’ll teach me?"

At least some common sense seemed to have returned, as Corvo’s gaze softened and the corners of his mouth turned down. "What the Outsider said to you—"

**“That’s what this is about?” Daud’s heart stuttered for one embarrassing moment. “My story ending," he repeated the Void god’s words, mockery in his tone. "I’m not about to toss myself onto the sword of the first witch I meet," Daud groused. "Void, Corvo. Don’t let His Bastardness," he said acidly, "turn your head like that. Especially now."**

"It’s not just that," Corvo defended himself, but the scorn had subsided.

“Then what,” Daud demanded impatiently, ignoring the faint notion that he might come to regret asking.

**“Leaving is one thing,” Corvo said softly. “Losing you is another.”**

Daud averted his eyes then, bending his head. “Please, Corvo.” His voice would barely obey him, not when Corvo said things that… could almost make him believe.

“I know it’s not fair,” Corvo admitted, and Daud ached, the illusion taken from him as soon as it was given. Of course it wasn’t fair, he thought unkindly, to tell someone that you cared for them. Just not in that way. Just not… enough.

“Doesn’t have to be,” Daud rasped, handing himself over; because that’s how lost he was, lost and in love with a man who would never be his. Whom he could never tell what it was he was really leaving behind.

**“I just wish you could stay.”**

**What? Daud looked up at Corvo, questions overtaking his thoughts.**

**They must have been plain on his face, for Corvo continued, “I know it’s not fair to tell you that now, and I know I promised that I would never take that decision from you, and I won’t.” He huffed a laugh, then, self-deprecating and without mirth. “Listen to me going on, I don’t—I don’t even know if anything I could say would change your mind.”**

Daud tilted his head, one question dragging itself to the forefront. Did—did he truly not know?

**“I almost didn’t tell you,” the confession drawn from him like marrow from a bone.**

**“Why?” Corvo looked exhausted, drained, and Daud wondered if that was his fault, too.**

**“Because you’re the only one who could have convinced me to stay.” Daud swallowed, watched as shadows twisted over Corvo’s face. “But you didn’t try.”**

“And that’s a good thing?” Corvo asked, full of doubt.

“Yes,” Daud told him, and whether that was truth or lie didn’t even matter at this point. It was what it was. Corvo’s eyes cast down, and Daud searched for the right words and fell woefully short. So he did the last thing he could think to do, he stepped around the desk, close enough to feel the warmth that Corvo radiated like a damn furnace mid-winter, and curled his hand around Corvo’s arm, bare as he’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

“Delilah’s more powerful than anyone I’ve crossed paths with in this world,” Daud said, à propos of nothing, and didn’t entirely know why. “Going to Brigmore will decide everything, and we can’t afford to hesitate. Severing Delilah's connection to the Void will make her coven lose their powers, if she carries the Arcane Bond. It's what would happen to the Whalers if I died. But we can't rely on finding a way to do that. If it's even possible.”

“What are you saying?”

Daud leaned forward, bracing his fists against the desk. “I’m saying that, if we cannot find another way, we still have to finish it.”

"I’m not letting her get within a hundred feet of Emily again," Corvo growled.

"Not that you’ll be of any use if she doesn’t actually need to be," Daud reminded him, and Corvo scowled at his words.

"And that means you’ll be where, exactly?" he challenged.

**Daud gritted his teeth. "I don’t think that what Delilah is working towards is as straightforward as an attack on Dunwall Tower. So whatever it is, you do what you have to to finish it if I can't."**

"Don’t say something like that," Corvo shook his head, and it took Daud a moment to realise which part he was aiming at; hoping, too, that he hadn't given himself away. Damn the Outsider's incessant questions.

 **"Things happen," Daud said, not knowing what else there was to say.**  

In response, Corvo stood and grabbed him by the belt across his chest and hauled him closer, over the desk. "They do," he said, possessing the nerve to sound accusing, and then pressed his lips against Daud’s in a kiss that was neither hesitant nor patient. Daud had barely the mind (nor time) to respond before Corvo pulled back again, letting go.

"And now?" Daud rasped. "That’ll teach me?"

At least some common sense seemed to have returned, as Corvo’s gaze softened and the corners of his mouth turned down. "What the Outsider said to you—"

**“That’s what this is about?” Daud’s heart stuttered for one embarrassing moment. “My story ending," he repeated the Void god’s words, mockery in his tone.**

"It’s not just that," Corvo defended himself, but the scorn had subsided.

“Then what,” Daud demanded impatiently, ignoring the faint notion that he might come to regret asking.

**“I just wish you could stay,” Corvo said softly.**

Daud averted his eyes then, bending his head.

“Please, Corvo.” His voice would barely obey him, not when Corvo said things that… could almost make him believe.

“I know it’s not fair,” Corvo admitted, and Daud ached, the illusion taken from him as soon as it was given. Of course it wasn’t fair, he thought unkindly, to tell someone that you cared for them. Just not in that way. Just not… enough.

“Doesn’t have to be,” Daud rasped, handing himself over, lost; lost and in love with a man who would never be his. Whom he could never tell what it was he was really leaving behind.

**Corvo continued, “I promised that I would never interfere with your decision, and I won’t.” He huffed a laugh, then, self-deprecating and without mirth. Daud, meanwhile, could barely hear him over the blood rushing in his ears. “Listen to me going on, I don’t—I know you won't change your mind.”**

Daud tilted his head, one question dragging itself to the forefront. Did—did he truly not know?

**“You could have asked,” the words drawn from him like marrow from a bone. Corvo looked exhausted, drained, and Daud wondered if that was his fault, too. Daud swallowed, watched as shadows twisted over Corvo’s face. “But you didn’t try.”**

“And that’s a good thing?” Corvo asked, full of doubt.

“Yes,” Daud told him, and whether that was truth or lie didn’t even matter at this point. It was what it was. Corvo’s eyes cast down, and Daud searched for the right words and fell woefully short. So he did the last thing he could think to do, he stepped around the desk, close enough to feel the warmth that Corvo radiated like a damn furnace mid-winter, and curled his hand around Corvo’s arm, bare as he’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

* * *

COMMENTS:

On the surface, this scene contains two things: Corvo admitting that he wants Daud to stay — after being too chicken just four chapters ago — and Daud announcing his resolve to die to protect Emily, leaving Corvo to defeat the witch, if necessary.

Under the hood, this scene went through a lot of changes, which essentially consisted of cuts and then reshuffling to accommodate the changes and tighten the script. The original draft was very wordy and filled with more honest confessions than, frankly, I knew what to do with right then. It was too much, so I cut what needed to go and changed the wording on the rest.

I cut Daud's confession that only Corvo could have convinced him to stay. “You could have asked,” leaves Daud's likely response ambiguous, causing both of them even more pain, just implying the struggle it would have caused him to have Corvo ask him to stay; rather than just admitting he would like him to. He admits his gratitude that Corvo respected his decision rather than exposing his weakness, which leaves his agency intact. The point of this whole thing was that Daud needed to leave, no matter that he loved Corvo; and he still needs to at the end of You Know Who I Am. So that had to go; it would have shattered the boundaries I'd so carefully set up.

I cut Corvo's confession that he can deal with Daud leaving, but not with losing him. (Which, considering how everything turned out, would have been nice foreshadowing, but sometimes it's a catch-22.)

I cut down Daud's grousing about the Outsider predicting his death. I changed it to Corvo being certain that Daud won't change his mind. Daud's line, "I’ve made my choices, you know that. I’m ready for what comes," would finally make an appearance in You Know Who I Am, before Daud leaves the Void. Here, it was too soon and out of place.

All in all, this scene is a good example of writing the first draft with more emotion than you know your characters can handle. Down the line, you'll find ways of finding different words to make it more subtle; and some things you'll keep in mind for later even if you don't save the lines.

Another note: what was important to me during this was that it wouldn't be taken as a covert confession of love. Daud believes that Corvo wants him to stay because they're friends (albeit with benefits), he doesn't take this to mean that Corvo loves him; and Corvo is careful not to reveal too much. Of course Corvo loves him, and "I just with you could stay," totally *means* 'I love you,' but Daud doesn't know that because Daud is a damn idiot.


	5. D) If Your Character Can't Explain It, Make Them Hide It

FIRST DRAFT:

Perhaps, in a few years, Corvo would be able to laugh at the mess they’d gotten themselves in. Right then, all he could do was stare at the man across from him. That stubborn, self-sacrificing, obtuse—

“You kissed me,” Corvo growled, too far gone now to shy away from it.

“Don’t throw that in my face like you know what you want,” Daud shot back; and in any other situation, they’d be at each other’s throats at this point, down in the kennels – they had been, many times. Instead, they were still sitting down, leaning heavily on the desk, whiskey long forgotten.

“But you do?” Corvo delivered a blow of his own, and watched it land as Daud now did push away from the desk and turned away, although he didn’t stand – nowhere to go in a room in this small. Corvo blinked when he realised what he had – more on instinct than through reason – inadvertently inferred from Daud’s words. Softer, he repeated, “You do?”

Going by the shadow that twisted over Daud’s face, Corvo may as well have stabbed him.

“Corvo… don’t ask this of me.”

In an effort not to trip over the first thing that came to mind (again), Corvo mentally counted to ten before answering. “You don’t owe me your confidence, Daud, **no more in this than anything else so personal**. If it is your wish, we will never discuss this again, but if… if this is causing you pain to deny—”

**“And to admit it would set me free?” Daud’s sarcasm had teeth.**

“It will if you expected my judgement.”

Daud sent him a look succinctly declaring him a fool. “Your judgement of my life is not something I agonise over, bodyguard.”

**“Clearly,” Corvo shot back impulsively. “Daud, I just—you’re right, I don’t know what I want. Not entirely.” If Daud wasn’t going to put his cards on the table, then Corvo would have to take the first step. “But neither of us can claim ignorance of how our relationship has changed.”**

“I don’t know what you mean,” Daud insisted, lying through his teeth and stubborn as a Dunwall baker’s cart mule.

Alright, Corvo thought, one last try. “I am drawn to you,” he offered freely, watching as Daud’s eyes widened, if only by a fraction. “In a way that I’ve only ever been drawn to very few people in my life. I want to be your friend, of that I am certain. But what happened between us when we sparred, and before… that’s different,” he finished softly.

* * *

 

FINAL DRAFT:

Perhaps, in a few years, Corvo would be able to laugh at the mess they’d gotten themselves in. Right then, all he could do was stare at the man across from him. That thick-headed, self-sacrificing, obtuse—

“You kissed me,” Corvo growled, too far gone now to shy away from it. **_You kissed him first_ , his traitorous conscience chose to remind him.**

“Don’t throw that in my face like you know what you want,” Daud shot back; and in any other situation, they’d be at each other’s throats at this point, down in the kennels – they had been, many times. Instead, they were still sitting down, leaning heavily on the desk, whiskey long forgotten.

“But you do?” Corvo delivered a blow of his own, and watched it land as Daud now did push away from the desk and turned away, although he didn’t stand – nowhere to go in a room in this small. Corvo blinked when he realised what he had – more on instinct than through reason – inadvertently inferred from Daud’s words. Softer, he repeated, “You do?”

Going by the shadow that twisted over Daud’s face, Corvo may as well have stabbed him.

“Corvo… don’t ask this of me,” he rasped, **his voice heavy with what was not a warning, but a plea, sending a familiar shiver down Corvo's back.**

In an effort not to trip over the first thing that came to mind (again), Corvo mentally counted to ten before answering. “You do not owe me your confidence, Daud. If it is your wish, we will never discuss this again, but if… if this is causing you pain—”

**“And to tell you would set me free?” Daud’s sarcasm had teeth.**

“It will if you expected my judgement.”

Daud sent him a look succinctly declaring him a fool. “Your judgement of my life is not something I lose sleep over, bodyguard.”

**“Clearly,” Corvo returned impulsively. “But neither of us can claim being blind to how things between us have changed.”**

“I don’t know what you mean,” Daud insisted, lying through his teeth and stubborn as a Dunwall baker’s cart mule.

**_He would not believe me if I told him_ , the Outsider's words rang in Corvo's ears. If Daud wasn’t going to put his cards on the table, then Corvo would have to take the first step.**

Alright, Corvo thought, one last try. “I am drawn to you,” he offered freely, watching as Daud’s eyes widened, if only by a fraction. “In a way that I’ve only ever been drawn to very few people in my life. I want to be your friend, of that I am certain. But what happened between us when we sparred, and before… that’s different,” he finished quietly.

* * *

COMMENTS:

This is an example of me adding something in editing, for a change — meat on the bones, basically, a few added descriptions and reactions. But a few telling changes: “admit” becomes a less revealing “tell,” and Corvo doesn’t admit he doesn’t know what he wants.

That was one of my rules in writing this slow burn: if your character can’t explain it — meaning if _you_ can’t explain it — make them hide until they can (you can), or until it stops being an issue and they can just outright say what they mean. Generally, if something your character says _should_ draw questions from the other characters, or invites objections; and that’s something you don’t want in that moment, cut it. Daud could have, here, easily used Corvo’s admission he doesn’t know what he wants to shut this entire conversation down — he WOULD have, because that’s who he is. Letting him let it slide would have been out of character.

Essentially, with any scene that catapults a relationship into a new stage, you gotta weigh the pieces. Obviously, you have to push your characters out of their comfort zone, otherwise none of this is gonna happen. _Just not too far_.

This is Corvo admitting that he has feelings for Daud, and YET this is still not the beginning of a romantic relationship. Mostly because, all together now: GRUMBLE IS AN ASSHOLE.

* * *

* * *

* * *

FIRST DRAFT:

Daud’s gaze was searching, boring into Corvo and searching for even a scrap of deceit, or uncertainty. After a while, he said, “What I did—what I used to do, I did for coin.” The seeming non-sequitur startled Corvo for a moment, but he didn’t interrupt. Daud wasn’t a man to waste his words. “Once we came here… things changed. My reasons did, too. The Whalers—Emily. You. I am no fool, Corvo, I know what you’re too polite to ask. I would hazard that… perhaps, after the last time we sparred, you don’t have to.”

At the admission, through however many layers, Corvo went very still, struggling to contain his own reaction. “Then what do you—” he interrupted himself there, because ‘want’ seemed like such a loaded phrase at this juncture, and presumptuous, too.

Daud gave him no time to recover. “I’m leaving, Corvo,” he changed the course of their conversation yet again.

Corvo nodded, willing to follow if they could just come to an agreement at the end of this. “I know.” At Daud’s blank look, he added, **“Did you expect me to protest? To tell you to stay? I know when to keep my counsel, and when my needs aren’t the ones that matter.”**

**Now it was Daud’s turn to look confused. “But you didn’t—”**

**“I want you to stay,” Corvo said, exasperated. “But what I want was beside the point. I know why you can’t stay in Dunwall after this, where everyone knows your face.”**

**“It’s more than that,” Daud murmured, sullen.**

**“I know,” Corvo admitted, irritation quickly fading now. “But it’s the root of it, and I understand.”**

The look Daud gave him was dubious, and that rankled, but Corvo was too exhausted to call him on that, too.

**“This won’t change anything,” Daud said, only about half a question. The fight seemed to have gone out of them both, at least for tonight. Slumped into their seats, they looked every inch the tired men they were, and Corvo dreaded having to make his way back to the Tower in only a few hours.**

**“No. But can we at least… stop pretending?”**

**Rubbing his brow, Daud heaved a sigh. “Are you sure you know what you’re asking?”**

**“Yes,” Corvo answered as simply as he could, watching in confusion as Daud suddenly stood. “Daud?”**

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

Daud’s gaze was searching, carving into Corvo and searching for even a scrap of deceit, or uncertainty. After a while, he said, “What I did—what I used to do, I did for coin.” The seeming non-sequitur puzzled Corvo for a moment, but he didn’t interrupt. Daud wasn’t a man to waste his words. “Once we came here… things changed. My reasons did, too. The Whalers, Jessamine, Emily — you. I am no fool, Corvo, I know what you’re too polite to ask. I would hazard that… perhaps, after the last time we sparred, you don’t have to.”

At the admission, through however many layers, Corvo went very still, struggling to contain his own reaction. “Then what do you—” he interrupted himself there, because ‘want’ seemed like such a loaded phrase at this juncture, and presumptuous, too.

Daud gave him no time to recover. “I’m leaving, Corvo,” he changed the course of their conversation yet again.

Corvo nodded, willing to follow if they could just come to an agreement at the end of this. “I know.” At Daud’s blank look, he added, **“Did you expect me to protest? To tell you to stay?”**

**Daud said nothing, but there was something twisting in his eyes.**

**"I wouldn't do that," Corvo said quietly.**

**"I can't stay, and not just because everyone knows my face," Daud eventually answered.**

**“I know,” Corvo admitted, irritation quickly fading now. “I understand.”**

The look Daud gave him was dubious, and that rankled, but Corvo was too exhausted to call him on that, too.

The fight seemed to have gone out of them both, at least for tonight. Slumped into their seats, they looked every inch the tired men they were, and Corvo dreaded having to make his way back to the Tower in only a few hours. Rubbing his brow, Daud heaved a sigh, the exhalation somehow more revealing than what had preceded it. Daud wasn't inclined to share his burdens, much less admit he had them.

Corvo watched as Daud suddenly stood. “Daud?”

* * *

COMMENTS:

 _"I wouldn't do that," Corvo said quietly._ Remember how I said in the comments on the scene before they had sex for the second time that I’d taken such care to make sure that Daud’s arc included absolute agency in his decision to leave? This is why I cut the bit of him saying that Corvo could have convinced him to stay. The most important damn point is that Corvo didn’t _try_. He was eventually honest about _wishing_ Daud could stay, but knowing that Daud’s need to establish distance is more important. Because here, I’d cut Corvo telling him he wants him to stay. It’s why Corvo will later refuse when Jess counsels him to tell Daud that he wants him to come back, that he loves him. If you were yelling at Corvo being too fucking stubborn, this is where it started.

Also, Corvo’s question whether Daud expected him to protest then becomes not about his own feelings, but about Daud expecting Corvo to want him to stay to keep protecting Emily, to keep working for the Crown. As in, was Daud expecting Corvo to presume that he could give him orders? Answer: yes, perhaps he was. But no, Corvo truly wouldn’t do that.

Corvo asks him to stop pretending — a thread that would have wound its way through the entire chapter, but I ended up cutting it. It got too much.

* * *

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FIRST DRAFT:

“It’s four hours until dawn,” was all Daud said, standing halfway between the desk and the door.

Recognising Daud’s way of asking to be left alone, Corvo nodded, although he couldn’t stop the sad smile twisting his mouth. “Of course,” he agreed, knowing very well what else he was agreeing to. By rights, he should be relieved – for the sake of propriety, for the sake of the job they had to do. He wasn’t. “Good night, Daud,” he murmured with that same, rueful smile, and in turning away he barely caught Daud’s eye roll.

Daud, for his part, caught Corvo’s wrist and tugged him back toward him. **“Good night, Corvo,”** he rumbled and then, upending Corvo’s world in but a moment, pulled him closer and pressed a chaste kiss to Corvo’s temple. When he leaned back, Corvo looked up at him in mute surprise. Daud’s face didn’t give much away when he said, **“I didn’t say no.”**

**Not wanting to push his luck, Corvo just nodded. “Okay.”**

**Releasing him, Daud nodded towards the door. “Go, get some rest. Your old room is free.”**

Corvo fought down the voice that told him he wanted to stay exactly where he was. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Then, without waiting for a reply, he turned and left the room. As he closed the door behind himself, his stomach in knots, he knew it would take more than a scarce three hours of rest to wrap his head around what he’d just done. **Or why.**

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

“It’s four hours until dawn,” was all Daud said, standing halfway between the desk and the door.

Recognising Daud’s way of asking to be left alone, Corvo nodded, although he couldn’t stop the sad smile twisting his mouth. “Of course,” he agreed, knowing very well what else he was agreeing to. By rights, he should be relieved – for the sake of propriety, for the sake of the job they had to do. He wasn’t. “Good night, Daud,” he murmured with that same, rueful smile, and in turning away he barely caught Daud’s wince.

**Daud, for his part, caught Corvo’s wrist and tugged him back toward him and then, upending Corvo’s world in but a moment, pulled him closer and pressed a chaste kiss to Corvo’s temple. When he leaned back, Corvo looked up at him in mute surprise. Daud’s face didn’t give much away when he rumbled, “Good night, Corvo.” Releasing him, Daud nodded towards the door. “Your old room is free.”**

Corvo fought down the voice that told him he wanted to stay exactly where he was. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Then, without waiting for a reply, he turned and left the room. As he closed the door behind himself, his stomach in knots, he knew it would take more than a scarce three hours of rest to wrap his head around what he’d just done.

* * *

COMMENTS:

This one’s shorter — and just to show Daud’s ultimate reaction to “can we at least stop pretending” in the original draft, that would have been picked up again the next morning (see chapter Throwing Shit at the Wall to See What Sticks). That bit went, the rest shuffled a bit but remained mostly the same.

* * *

* * *

* * *

FIRST DRAFT:

They remained like this for a long moment, each caught up in their own thoughts. **Unerringly, Daud’s strayed back to their argument (even if that was a poor description) from two nights ago. _Does this count as not pretending_ , he wondered as his knee was still touching Corvo’s thigh and neither of them thought to move, _and does this mean I’ve agreed to stop?_**

“Corvo—” Daud began at the same time as Corvo said, “Can you stay for dinner?”

“What?” Daud asked eloquently.

“Can you stay for dinner, or do you have to get back?” Corvo elaborated. “Emily would like to see you, and her lessons are going to run on longer after the meeting with Martin.”

“Does Emily want to see me, or the Empress?” Daud asked in what was perhaps an ill-judged attempt at teasing.

“Would that make a difference?” Corvo’s tone was rough.

Daud frowned. “No, of course not.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I can stay.”

Silence fell again, but was given no dominion.

“What were you going to say?”

**Daud briefly considered playing dumb, but Corvo deserved better than that. “What happens if we stop pretending?”**

**Corvo didn’t say anything for a moment, but then he nudged Daud with his leg. “This.”**

**Daud tilted his head to look at him sideways, arching a brow.**

**“Nothing has to happen,” Corvo told him earnestly. “But at least we’ll stop feeling caged.”**

**Daud huffed a sound of amusement. “How is this,” he gestured to encompass Corvo’s chambers, “not a cage?”**

**“This,” Corvo emulated the gesture, “is not the cage.”**

**“Speak for yourself,” Daud rumbled.**

**“Daud.”**

Shaking his head, **Daud declined to tell him that ‘nothing has to happen’ seemed awful optimistic, from where Daud was sitting.**

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

They remained like this for a long moment, each caught up in their own thoughts. **Unerringly, as his knee was still pressed against Corvo’s thigh and neither of them thought to move, Daud’s strayed back to their argument (even if that was a poor description) from two nights ago.**

“Corvo—” Daud began at the same time as Corvo said, “Can you stay for dinner?”

“What?” Daud asked eloquently.

“Can you stay for dinner, or do you have to get back?” Corvo elaborated. “Emily would like to see you, and her lessons are going to run on longer after the meeting with Martin.”

“Does Emily want to see me, or the Empress?” Daud asked in what was perhaps an ill-judged attempt at teasing.

“Would that make a difference?” Corvo’s tone was rough.

Daud frowned. “No, of course not.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I can stay.”

Silence fell again, but was given no dominion. **Corvo nudged Daud's leg with his own.** “What were you going to say?”

"It's not important," Daud shook his head.

"Isn't it?"

Shaking his head, Daud didn't say anything else. For a while, neither of them spoke.

* * *

COMMENTS:

Here’s where the “stop pretending” thread got its last hurrah. I cut it mostly because it would have moved them along too quickly — yeah yeah, I know, I’m a jerk.

Basically, Daud’s a grumpy bastard and Corvo is hilariously optimistic.

Daud did, in the final draft, think about their confrontation and talk of emotions, and he _was going to say something, but then he got scared_. You know how he is.


	6. E) Throwing Shit at the Wall to See What Sticks

FIRST DRAFT:

They both knew they should disengage, but neither of them moved. Daud swallowed as his mouth went dry at Corvo’s closeness, their bodies nearly touching from chest to thigh. The final nail in his coffin, he supposed, came when he noticed Corvo’s eyes flickering down towards his mouth.

No. This couldn’t be.

Drawing in a ragged breath, Daud nervously licked his lips before he knew what he was doing, and startled when Corvo’s eyes darkened and he looked back up, accusation in his gaze.

**“Not fair,” he rasped, his voice now nearly as rough as Daud’s own; and Daud had enough.**

Surging forward, he pressed against him, ruing the inch or two Corvo had on him as he brought himself up against his bulk. Rotating his wrist, he disarmed the bolt before curving his fingers under Corvo’s ribcage.

**“You’re one to talk,” he objected, but didn’t give Corvo a chance to reply, instead giving in and kissing him before he could remind himself of his own foolishness.**

Humming against his lips, Corvo let go of his wrist and curled his fingers through the bars of the kennel, effectively boxing Daud in. Letting his sword clatter to the floor, Daud set his right hand on Corvo’s arm, turning leverage against him like an anchor. **In what couldn’t be construed as obedience but came close enough, Corvo bowed against him, bending down.**

**_This is a mistake_ , he thought even as he brushed his lips against Corvo’s and his eyes closed of their own volition, his focus narrowing down to the warmth between them, _or worse, I’ve finally been poisoned with the good stuff from Tyvia and this isn’t even real and I’m lying on the floor of my office, sweating like a pig and dying—_**

His thoughts were scattered when Corvo broke the kiss, breathing deeply. After a few moments, he spoke softly, “This also wasn’t the welcome I expected.”

**Daud cleared his throat. “You never—” he broke off, for what was there to say?**

**Corvo seemed to understand him anyhow. “I was following your lead.”**

**“Corvo—what is this?” Daud could only ask, caught off guard by the sudden openness between them.**

**Corvo’s gaze turned apologetic even as he smiled. “I don’t know.”**

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

They both knew they should disengage, but neither of them moved. Daud swallowed as his mouth went dry at Corvo’s closeness, their bodies nearly touching from chest to thigh. **Why in the Void had he insisted Corvo put his back into it? Not that this was the first time they'd ended up in such a position during training, but it'd never been like this.** The final nail in his coffin, he supposed, came when he noticed Corvo’s eyes flickering down towards his mouth.

**No. That couldn’t be. This couldn't be to Corvo what it was to him, it made no sense, and if either of them had any, they'd separate and move on. Daud's gut tightened, tension coiling in a way that felt unknown and long since forgotten. Except Corvo had unearthed that part of him, had awakened something without even knowing — without even trying. And now here he was, unsure and caught, and yet unwilling to break free. It was impossible.**

Drawing in a ragged breath, Daud nervously licked his lips before he knew what he was doing, and startled when Corvo’s eyes darkened and he looked back up, accusation in his gaze.

**“Daud,” he rasped, his voice now nearly as rough as Daud’s own; and Daud — had enough.**

**Surging forward, he pressed against him, ruing the inch or two Corvo had on him as he brought himself up against his chest, giving in and kissing him before he could remind himself of his own foolishness.**

Humming against his lips, Corvo let go of Daud's wrist and curled his fingers around the bars of the kennel instead, effectively boxing Daud in. Letting his sword clatter to the floor, Daud set his right hand on Corvo’s arm, turning leverage against him like an anchor, a **nd in a fair show of obedience Corvo bowed against him, bending down.**

 _This is a mistake_ , he thought even as he brushed his lips against Corvo’s again (and again) and his eyes closed of their own accord, focus narrowing down to the warmth between them.

**His thoughts were scattered when Corvo eventually broke the kiss, breathing deeply.**

**After a few moments, he spoke softly, “This also wasn’t the welcome I expected.”**

**Daud cleared his throat. "Was it the one you wanted?"**

**Corvo’s gaze turned apologetic even as he smiled. “I don’t know.”**

* * *

COMMENTS:

Ayyyy so this one changed. A lot. It was the second chapter of Part 2, I had fuck all idea what I was doing, I was really fed up with this scene and just wanted them to kiss, dammit. I think this was precisely when I posted this tweet:

<https://twitter.com/andreamareike/status/884838955279110146>

In the original iteration, Daud was a lot more talkative, Corvo had even less of a clue what he was doing, and _for some fucking reason_ Daud decided to go on a mental rant about how, surely, he’d been poisoned with the good stuff and, in his final moments, taken to hallucinating that he was smooching Corvo.

_Of fucking course._

Prime example of “I’m writing this and I know it’s bollocks and I won’t keep it _but I don’t know what else to do_.” I threw shit at the wall. It didn’t stick.

The rest of the scene made its transformation basically by smashing it to pieces and putting (some of) them back together. The result is something calmer, better paced, and more focused on the fact that Corvo just needs to _exist_ for Daud to forget how talking and breathing work. God. What a disaster.

Also, at the end, Daud originally asked what the heck they were doing. Then I remembered that Daud would rather cut off his dong than have _that_ conversation. “[C]aught off guard by the sudden openness between them” — yeah, so was I. Cause ’twas horseshit. (Hey, at least I’m honest.)

* * *

* * *

* * *

FIRST DRAFT:

“Samuel is ready to take you back to the Tower, Corvo,” Thomas informed them as he appeared next to their table a few minutes later.

Corvo washed the last of his breakfast down with the dregs of his coffee and nodded. “Thanks.” Thomas nodded and vanished.

Deciding to take a chance, Corvo casually remarked, “They’re all gone awfully fast this morning.”

Daud didn’t look up from the apple he was cutting into precise halves, then quarters, then eighths. “They’re busy.”

**“Or perhaps we were a little loud last night,” Corvo countered with what probably qualified as a dirty look, struggling not to smile as Daud’s eyes shot up. “You know they don’t like it when we argue,” he continued with a shrug and the most blasé attitude he was able to muster this early in the morning.**

**Daud narrowed his eyes. “I also haven’t said yes,” he grumbled** , picking up an apple slice and devouring it as though it might suffer the pain in Corvo’s stead. Corvo didn’t fight the smile that emerged at that.

“Okay,” he said perhaps a bit too brightly, because Daud sent him a disgusted look.

“Sun’s not even up yet. Get out.”

“Tomorrow?” Corvo couldn’t help but ask as he got up.

“Tomorrow,” Daud grunted. “I have information on Hypatia, and we need to have a word with Sokolov.”

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Corvo said, **telling himself that leaning across the table to kiss him on the cheek would be a terrible idea**. So he got moving. At the main door, he turned around to look at Daud, who was watching him walk away with dark eyes, and looking possibly the grumpiest he’d ever seen him. Corvo took it as a good sign.

* * *

FINAL DRAFT:

“Samuel is ready to take you back to the Tower, Corvo,” Thomas informed them as he appeared next to their table a few minutes later.

Corvo washed the last of his breakfast down with the dregs of his coffee and nodded. “Thanks.” Thomas nodded and vanished.

Deciding to take a chance, Corvo casually remarked, “They’re all gone awfully fast this morning.”

Daud didn’t look up from the apple he was cutting into precise halves, then quarters, then eighths. “They’re busy.”

**“I'm starting to think they don’t like it when we argue,” Corvo responded with a shrug and the most blasé attitude he was able to muster this early in the morning.**

Daud narrowed his eyes, picking up an apple slice and devouring it as though it might suffer the pain in Corvo’s stead. Corvo didn’t fight the smile that emerged at that — perhaps a bit too brightly, because Daud gave him a disgusted look.

“Sun’s not even up yet. Get out.”

“Tomorrow?” Corvo couldn’t help but ask as he got up.

“Tomorrow,” Daud grunted. “I have information on Hypatia, and we need to have a word with Sokolov.”

 **“Good. I’ll see you then,” Corvo said, and got moving.** At the main door, he turned around to look at Daud, who was watching him walk away with dark eyes, and looking possibly the grumpiest he’d ever seen him.

* * *

COMMENTS:

Oh my god, Corvo, _you can’t say things like that_. To be fair, half the time I let him I’m just doing it because it makes me laugh. I know I’ll edit it out, but at least it was on the page for a few glorious days and I got to re-read it before deleting it, still cackling.

Again, an example of them being wordier than they should in the first draft, and then pulling everything together and tightening it for the actual chapter.

Also, here’s the ‘let’s stop pretending’ strain again that I dropped — Daud acknowledged it in the first draft, and it disappeared from the final one. I love grumpy characters letting their crush know they’re hella lucky they’re cute, and that’s what happened here. It’s still there in the final draft, but muted.

And yes, Corvo really badly wanted to kiss him goodbye — he does so in a later chapter. Just not yet; and doesn’t think about it, either. It would have been too light and breezy for the fact that, the night before, they had a conversation/argument that could have wrecked their entire relationship.


	7. F) A Note on Editing

This series is my first work of this length. I used to only post one-shots, then a few mid-sized multi-chapter ones. Then I somehow condemned myself to this absolute monster, going from, “Oh I’m only gonna write _one_ ,” to, “I’M GOING TO REWRITE THE WHOLE SERIES JUST WATCH ME BITCHES.” It’s going to take me until summer 2019.

So.

Since I accidentally wrote the first half of It Seemed the Better Way within a week while I was sick, I more or less inadvertently discovered the joys of posting chapters with backlog. I figured I could write the back half of the story while posting the first few chapters, so that I could update weekly and avoid the dreaded hiatus. It worked out, and it has done since. Right now, I’m working on Part 4, The Letters, and I have four weeks to write three-and-a-half more chapters.

This means that I can take my time to write, and then set myself a goal: two rounds of editing before posting a chapter, plus time for rewrites beforehand if I realise I need an additional scene or if a plot point changes. I post Thursdays or Fridays, so Tuesdays and Thursdays are editing days (unless I’m travelling for work a lot as I did this winter, then things get a lil screwy). Sometimes, editing is quick, other chapters can literally take me two nights to get them where I need them to go. _I edit brutally._ Sometimes, that’s because I put things in the first/second draft I knew wouldn’t make the cut; other times, I just find something suddenly not working out even after three rounds of editing. Even if I really, really love something, I cut it. Killing your darlings is a thing. Consistent characterisation is everything, and if you make them drop a cup of coffee to leap into each other’s arms, you’d best be _sure_. Anyway.

Editing is a pain in my ass, I used to never do it, and I entirely understand everyone who says, “Fuck editing.”

Seriously. Fuck editing.

But for me, personally, editing properly and vigorously is great. It’s shown me that my first drafts are good, but my final drafts can be pretty great. It’s definitely made this series better.

Now, if you’ve made it this far — thank you. I did this because I often end up talking to other writers in the comments, and I’m always happy when they let me ramble on about my process. And if this is in any way helpful to even just one of you, then I’m a happy Grumble. And if you’re not a writer, but you enjoyed this look under the hood of assassins, then that makes me happy, too.

Xoxo,

Andrea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, if you want, pls share the [tumblr post](https://screwtheprinceimtakingthehorse.tumblr.com/post/172865301640/assassins-dont-take-sides-directors-cut) if you liked this


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